Nobody Cares! Some Stories Are Just Too Exhausting to Share.

Dear Henry,

When it comes to talking about my accident, I have to say, nobody cares.

I say this mockingly, of course, most people want to hear the story, at least once.  But, it is important that I immediately make reassurances, and let everyone know that I am "fine", because, let's face it, no one wants to hear a story with an unhappy ending.

It isn't that most people are uncaring or insensitive, it is because stories like this are exhausting to hear and stressful to think about, and really, I don't want to leave any memory of my pain with the people I love.

I think Carlos Santana said it best when he said "When you go through hell - your own darkest night of the soul - don't take pictures to show your friends."

If I cannot bear my pain, it is unfair of me to ask others to and I deeply regret all of the times I shared it (intentionally or because I lost it).

It is difficult not to share.  Pain is an all-encompassing thing and unless you have a lot of ready material at hand, it can be difficult to talk of anything else.

In order to have something other than pain to talk about, I make sure that I keep up on my reading (see all of my book reviews at www.riteoffancy.com) and I routinely develop research projects and road trips to ensure I have a plethora of topics to discuss.  I try not to discuss pain because in the words of Lady Macbeth, "Things without all remedy should be without regard."

Of course, I can't keep everything bottled up inside, either.

Daily journaling has helped me express all of the dark and ugly things that I don't want to share with the people around me and I also, as I've mentioned before, channel much of my pain through my photography of waterfalls.

Another helpful tool in controlling my pain has been service to others.  Volunteering has been a great way for me to maintain a sense of gratitude and appreciation.

Finally, as a nature photographer, I am always on the search for something beautiful and I've noticed, that if I keep my focus on the pretty things, I don't have enough time or energy for anything else.

Most importantly, I've learned to adopt the wisdom of Oscar Wilde and try to remain unruffled. I've noticed I tend to share more when I get upset.

And I can't get upset, that will give me wrinkles.

xoxo a.d.